I was struck this week by the contrast between two Old Testament brothers, Moses and Aaron. It is worth reading the Book of Exodus and thinking through what is going on in this tumultuous time. Moses, hardly the man that we would employ as God’s spokesperson, was a coward, a murderer and struggled with public speaking because he had a speech problem. Aaron was second in charge to Moses but was the better speaker, perhaps even the more ‘charismatic’ figure?

This Sunday I am speaking on the theme ‘Come and Die’; a title not really guaranteed to pack in a big crowd; but come along if you dare! The surrendered life is such fertile soil for God to grow fruit that will last. Jesus was in a garden of olive trees – so traumatised that his sweat ran like blood – facing torture and death; yet following his prayer his final words were ‘Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done.’

Queen Esther had it all, but when her faith in God was challenged, she responded by saying; ‘After that I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish.’

As I trace the faith journey of Moses, I am struck by his almost constant sense of not knowing! ‘Moses take off your sandals the place you are standing is holy ground’. ‘Looks like a desert to me Lord; but if you say so ..’ ‘Moses go to Pharaoh and tell him to let my people go.’ ‘You say what??’ Moses, lift up your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it.’ ??? It seems that the closer Moses got to God the less he knew.

Moses was delayed on Mount Sinai – volcanic ash or the Ten Commandments or some such thing was causing concern and he had to stay over for a few days. His articulate brother Aaron, though distant from God apparently knew exactly what God looked like –He had the people of Israel build the Golden Calf while they were waiting.

It is interesting to me that those who are distant from God have little trouble drawing a picture, whereas those who continue the struggle to know and discern the work of God spend a lot of time in Puzzle Land?! The closer you get the less you know. The further apart the surer you are.

These first six months of 2010 have been some of the most personally challenging that I have known. As a church leader the end of 2009 contained much that gave encouragement for the future. While I have enjoyed seeing people grow significantly in faith, I have also been bemused at the stark reality of something that can only be called the fickleness of faith. When I retire I think I know the name plaque for our home that will be dedicated to my ministry experience. I will have a sign that reads ‘Gunnadoo’. It has a nice Aussie sound to it after all.

In recent weeks I have experienced the loss of one of my dearest friends. Sad though this time has been it has reminded me of the power of the gospel to transform lives that are submitted to Jesus. At the same time I am coming to terms with a sense almost of betrayal, faith that seems to offer much but is in reality a façade, a ‘noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.’

It all takes me back to Ezekiel 47 and the vision of a man being lead though various depths of water. Ankle deep, knee deep, waist deep, then a place where the river is so deep that it cannot be crossed and all you can do is give yourself to the river! Deep river faith is never going to be a popular gig and yet this is the task that I believe God has called me into. At my best moments I love it and at my worst I would gladly trade it for a Golden Calf. Yet ‘within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot.’ Jeremiah 20:9