Sometimes life has a habit of reaching out and grabbing you at the strangest – and most inopportune – moments. This was so for me last Sunday when I found myself in something of a strange personal struggle for most of the day.

Of course it was Father’s Day and I was conscious that this particular Sunday actually fell on the anniversary of my dad’s death on September 2, 2000. That day seven years ago was a very odd one for me as dad died in Ballarat and we were then living on the north coast of New South Wales. I was kept up to date with his condition but family felt that he might again pull through but by the time that it was clear he wouldn’t I was unable to do anything about it. Adding to the mix that day was the fact that I was dealing with a family break up within our church life and I was trying to handle this in the midst of my own journey. Such is a Pastor’s life.

I give this as background, because on Sunday morning in the midst of preparation for the service and then moving into the worship time itself, the memories of that day seven years ago came flooding back. Here we were celebrating a special day for dads and I found myself in this strange place of great sadness and loss. There is of course nothing unusual here as many will be able to equate with moments just like this; it was just inconvenient and disconcerting for me in terms of the timing. If the Pastor made less sense than usual and seemed a little ‘off’ then maybe this explains it.

Please don’t get all deep and meaningful with me and try to sort out my feelings of deep seated grief and regret at not being with my father when he died, because there is nothing to sort out. Every time I said goodbye to him over those last years we were both well aware that it might be our last goodbye and so finally it turned out to be. I am fine with all of that but still have those moments of simply missing someone that meant a great deal to me. This time it surprised me but on reflection it was hardly surprising. I had immersed myself in preparing for Sunday and in doing so had probably been able to suppress those usual memories at certain anniversaries.
When did life last sneak up and surprise you? For me the whole day turned into a time of mixed feelings and good reflection as I gave myself permission to accept what was going on and flow with the emotions and feelings that were evoked. Have you known a time recently when something similar occurred?

I guess I write this to encourage something that is very important to me; the issue of authenticity. We all have our different masks that cover our true feelings from time to time; but I believe that we will grow as a church and really begin to make a difference in our communities when we allow those masks to drop a little more often. You see, everybody is playing the same game and it is only when a few are silly enough and brave enough to remove a mask that we can give permission to others to do the same.

A favourite book of mine by John Ortberg is called – ‘If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.’ I believe that many today play the game of being Christ followers. It’s not that hard in the boat. Generally life is good and the sun is shining. Yes, from time to time the weather might get a bit squally and we have to hang on a bit and occasionally we might have a disagreement with fellow passengers; but life’s okay. A little dull maybe; but okay.

I am blessed that I came to be a follower of Christ from the outside in. It was while I was messing about in the water that I discovered the joy and peace of the boat and decided to join the crew. However, I have never lost sight of the fact that the real action is outside the boat!